Poem #19 : Luhan

His eyes were like those angels
With ocean blue colors
They were calming to the lost hearts like mine

His hair was all creped
Into a filmy golden aureole round his face
Shining like a moon to the sun

His face was clean as it was made by porcelain
Beautifully structured by the hands of the experts
Carefully and with care

His lips were curved into a the color of a rose
Reddish and full
Seducing those soul whose hunger is for love


n.m

A Letter to Wu Yi Fan

Hey, Kris or should I call you by your real name now I don't know, this is my first time writing to you on my blog and not in my journal and I am not used to this and I can feel my hands shaking and my heart beating so fast because I feel like I am writing this to you and do you know what is the funniest thing is I AM WRITING THIS TO YOU. It feels weird. It really does.

You might not know me, but I know about you like hell a lot. You bet. Oh dear god I am sorry I am writing to you again and I am sorry that I am such a bubbly person and a wreck the next. That is just who I am. I can't even control myself anymore.

It is sad.

It is.

I just want you to know that you mean a lot to me like literally the whole space between the sky and the Earth and the space between the stars on the universe. I guess it is countless but that is the point of loving right, countless.

Some nights like tonight, I feel the need to write about you. Usually, I write about you in my journal but I guess invisible lightning stroke me when I got out this evening. It was raining really hard and now I am writing to you on my freaking blog at 4.42 in the morning. I can see myself going crazy do you know how crazy that sounds?

Ugh, I need to get to my letter to you actually. Where were we?

Oh yeah, I just saw a photo of you again ha how strange it is to say this because I am always seeing your photos, on my phone, on my laptop screen, I have my walls wallpapered with your face and I talk to you in the morning when I wake up and before I go to bed so seeing your photo is literally my daily routine and just a moment ago, I saw your photo, playing basketball and you're looking happy and you're smiling and I miss you again.

We have never met like you know..... up close but I have met you, yeah literally actually when I went to MTV World Stage. 

Was that a meeting actually?

No, of course not.

I am sorry again, I get delusional at times. 

But yeah, I saw you and I missed you that night when I got home and I miss you again tonight after seeing your photo. I swear to God, I can see my other self erking at me saying how ridiculous it is for me to miss someone who practically does not even know my existence and I want to yell at her that you know about my existence because I am your fan and God and all the planets in this universe and EXO know that fans existed.

I miss you so much I feel like my heart is exploding like when Nagasaki got bombed and everyone was scared because of the fire and the radiation and people dying. And I am scared. I am because I know how this letter will never reach you and you wouldn't even read it and it hurts me a lot.

I wonder myself to sleep how can an angel like you with hidden wings hurt me? And I talk to your posters again because it feels nice to talk to you even though we all know how stupid it is to talk to posters. I told you one night, that I like you because you like reading books and because you are tall. I like boys who read books and are tall. I think books are the only thing that make me talk to a person and music. It engages me with the outside world. I figure if you know about books and since you are someone who is in music industry you must like music too, maybe I can talk to you someday and we could be friends or maybe I can stay as just a fan. But, I want to be that fan who talk to his idol and get recognized for having the same interest as you are but God knows how many people love books and music as I am and you are. So, I guess, I will never get recognized ever and that hurts me again.

Thinking back, you have brought me pain too. But, you saved me. That is more important. I wish I can tell you in what way you have saved me but that would be another long story. And I have no time.

Sometimes, it gets me thinking, if you are not someone famous, would there be a chance for you and I to meet and become friends? If you stay as a normal student, would there be a chance for you to come to my country and be placed in my school as an exchange students and I would bump into you with Wuthering Heights and stumble in front of you and you would pick it up and ask me if I read this book and I will say of course I am reading it, it fell from my hands for God's sake and I will disperse into hundreds of students running in the hallway and you will never see me again and I will ask myself if there is a stupider person than you for asking me if I am reading a book that falls from my hands.

All I need is a chance but a chance is all I lose.

Have you ever read Wuthering Heights? It is such a nice story. I am not a classic person but I like classic books. They tell more than just a love story.

But, again, this is all my thoughts.

P/s: This one is for you.

I pour my thoughts in a blank white page

You come and make a cameo

So I write about you

In a long paragraph

From only a page

To a thousand pages book

And you never leave

Since then.

n.m

I wonder why people get married if they know they are going to hurt each other and divorce?

And I wonder why people who divorce would think of getting back together and hurt each other all over again? 

Poem #18

I need someone
who is

comfortable with
awkward silences

and doesn't mind
me not talking most
of the time

By anonymous

Wu Yi Fan: A Player in Courts

When I watched Kris's photos preview and fancams playing basketball on his recording to Dream Team last two days with his lovely brother, Tao, I felt the need to write about him and his passion he once had in his chest, burning to be known. As we all know, he was a captain to his basketball's team in both middle and high school, and I still wander myself to sleep thinking, this tall boy, who likes basketball so much, it is practically his whole life, what made him stop playing it?

And I remind myself that maybe there are people who do things that way. They like it so much, they stop playing it for a while. Maybe Kris is like that too. He is just stopping it for a while.

It is funny how a person can change with just a ball in his hand. In stage. Kris is Kris Wu, a character made my SM that suits the stage, but when he is in court and with his brothers, he is just Wu Yi Fan or Kevin Wu, a captain to his basketball's team and a brother to eleven others. I like both versions of this man. Every version has its own attractiveness. After all, we are talking about Kris Wu, the most attractive male human being I have ever witnessed with my own two eyes.

There is a burning passion when Kris turns into Wu Yi Fan and the ball is in his hands, he smiles more and he laughs more and he also, gets grumpy even more. The way that body moves, is like storms and lightning, fast in feet, invisible to the eyes of his opponents and quite and untraceable. His shot, is the most beautiful shot I have ever seen in my entire life and yes, it is partially because it was done by Kris, but another half is because it is truly beautiful.

Kris was appointed as the captain for the basketball team and got a sticker as a matter of approval and when he tried to stick the sticker to his number 1 jersey, he smiled his happiest smile I have ever seen. It was really nice to be able to see that smile, even through my laptop screen.

There is this time when he missed his free throws and he got so sad and he pouted his lips and hid under his jacket and Tao ruffled his hidden hair because he felt bad for his hyung because he felt bad for himself for missing those free throws. And Kris refused to eat, even when Tao tried to feed him. I think that is cute and sweet because Tao was there to comfort him and it made me feel better about leaving Kris with Tao because I know he is in good hands. Tao would always be there to take care of Kris and to comfort him, especially when Kris feels bad about himself.

I know people like Kris way too well. Kris is my kind too. He is the kind of person who feels bad about his own self all the time and feels like everything is his fault and he makes it a big deal even when it is not. He keeps quite about things inside his chest and let those unspoken words hurt him instead because he knows if he is about to speak, there are so much hearts that will be broken. People like us, aren't really good with words so we get misunderstood most of the time.